Re-post from: 08 Feb 2016.
They say most of the people in the world live their lives through all its stages without really being afraid of dying. This is very good news, because it allows enjoying of most of your years on Earth in a kind of intoxicated happy manner, which considering the sad reality of caducity (transientness), is somewhat illogical and unrealistic really.
The illusion of eternal happiness is off-set with the infinite pain and suffering life delivers to the unfortunate. Let it be caused by plague, environmental or accidental tragedies, acts of war, poverty, starvation or genocide. We certainly feel unbearably unfair should it happen to our closest ones or ourselves, but there are some external groups we can feel for unconditionally, like when children affected; because they are innocent and sinless.
Letting life pass by in a balance can be very much disturbed, if the biological code, the sequence is broken. It is hard to loose someone at a young age or someone of a young age for example. It also causes misery and dread having to be dependent on someone or having to leave someone dependent behind. Generations passing the relay from older to younger resign themselves substantially easier.
We all take our little sorrows and problems to some place with us. We carry it there and keep it until we can solve them or at least can come to the next phase of coping. I take mine to a railroad station bench. It is not a secret place, not even hidden, but it is surely not prominent. Trains and people come and go by the dozens. You are actually hidden in the passage, while loud noise is alternating with church quality peace and quiet; either way a sanctuary.
We live most of our lives under very determined conditions. Most of us have only a vague memory of being a young child without major obligations and limitations. The rest is a controlled flow. We learn to accept it, or even to like it. We learn to strive to exceed in compliance with the expectations. We go to schools, we take jobs, we pay bills, taxes and we play roles of family.
There are only a few, who are exempted from all these. Not necessarily groups to envy; those who mentally or physically cannot comply, who are violent or dangerous to others, who riot and resent the mainstream of society. Some are supported some are rejected. We always emphasize the choice, if present in the course of actions preceding the condition which will result in the exemption from society.
I share my mental bench with many. Despite not being probably one of the nicest places around, it is quite popular. Some come less frequently, some you can bump into regularly, even almost every day. People use this bench as a waiting room or a resting place on their way home. Some read advert flyers; many just stare at their phones or at other people. It can be that fresh pretzel smell surrounds the place; a popular quick snack at the airport. Some just sit there and read a book like me, with an energy drink, a prosecco or a beer. Yes, much of the background reading and post-publishing checks I do here.
This guy is always with his mother. I have never seen them actually arrive, but many times I catch them there when I arrive. I respect which is his side and where he likes to sit most. I sit opposite. I am not good with age, but he is in his forties probably, mother late sixties. Initially I was a bit afraid, because he shouts; usually at mid volume and in bursts, when something happens or bothers him. But most of the time he is just talking by himself with a nodding and praying kind of body movement.
He is always taken care of. If it is cold, he is seated onto a carefully folded old school green blanket. The mother stays for a while, talks to him, also almost shouting. I do not get what she says, but she tells him at some point she would leave for a while. Like a separation ritual. I see the two totally dependent on the other, but also are both in to be left, under the condition of her return. Sometimes she fetches some food and eats; sometimes she leaves for quite a while. Sometimes I am still there when she picks up her mentally challenged son, sometimes my train leaves and I am only wondering if she returned; and I know one day she will not anymore, and then it’s up to society to look after her son.
I realized there is another weird chap regularly coming. Not to the bench, but to the opposite platform. He is the performer. He has a Walkman or MP3 player plugged in his years. He sings. Well, not actually, because it is a loud, but unarticulated voice coming out of his throat. You cannot make out any lyrics. He also dances with broad pelvic movements; quite dynamic in some sense. I do not think he is ridiculous at all. Why would he be? He is not bad compared to many of us who think (or have drunk enough to think) we can actually dance.
But what is the connection between the characters described above and me? Firstly, we all are visitors of the bench. Secondly, we all have our thing; a speciality, a need that makes us different from the others and their needs. So what is the difference then? The difference is probably that I am the only one, who is not in any way exempted from any social rule or responsibility, and the only one who would have to face major rejection from society, if I did not behave. Well, I certainly find it unfair.
So visitors of the bench: Are we all lonely if we are all lonely together? I guess same question goes to the whole of society. Why impose all sorts of unnecessary norms on everyone when otherwise we are not interested in each other really? If money seems to be the only driving and organizing factor in our lives, then does not society become an empty prison where we are all just exchanging our cigarettes for other goods? We pay our bills and taxes to be able to be at safe places and amongst people who seem to be caring and friendly. We consume so we can use the nice facilities. And we can use the nice facilities as long as we consume. And we can be at the safe places and amongst friendly people as long as we pay our bills and taxes.
I think we all should find a place like the bench at Zürich airport, where we can stop for a moment to think. To understand what we are getting from society and what do we pay for it. To think about our relationships, what values they are representing, and what constitute these values to be able to see whether they are actually representing values at all. It might be that we will find that in some of these relationships we relate only by default. Because we were assigned interlinked roles in our social circles, but we otherwise would not and do not prefer to relate. We might also find some instances where we would very much like to relate, but we do not know how, because we never did or we forgot.
The biggest problems in life are regrets. Not the “could not have dones”, but the “could have dones, but did not dos”. Most of us will not fly to the Moon, because we will simply not qualify physically for the journey. I will have no regrets there, it’s a “couldn’t have done”. Coming clear with yourself on the other hand is something which should not end up being a regret for anyone. And I do not only talk about having to come clear with a gender identity issue, but your role and relations in society, what you get and what you need to give in exchange. If the balance is negative than you better do something, until it is not too late. And for figuring the whole thing out you will need that bench.