by Detty
•
15 August 2021
We hear a lot nowadays about gender as being a social construct, suddenly used differently from how it was in the past, where gender was simply a synonym for sex. We also hear about people in media and maybe also in our personal networks who consider themselves transgender; as if this was a thing which is recently becoming more and more frequent or popular. It is very confusing now, as we had gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transvestites, drag queens and transsexuals, but where do transgender belong? Is this the same thing or is this something new? Transgender (short: trans): umbrella term, generally used for individuals who do not 100% identify with their gender as assigned at birth, e.g. they feel they belong to the opposite of the binary genders, or they do not feel 100% male or 100% female as the majority of the population. Gender: primarily a self-identification with a lot of social constructs and expectations associated with it. It is different from sex, e.g. it is the how you feel, how you identify yourself and not the how you were categorized when you were born based on your anatomy. Sex: the born, anatomical constitution of having male or female physical traits and reproductive organs. Ok, say you were born male, but you do not feel you are a man, you consider yourself more a woman, or totally a woman. So you are basically gay and you will have the operation to become a woman and you will date men after that? Sexual orientation: Sexual orientation actually has very little to do with gender identity. A transgender person is not by default lesbian, gay or bisexual, e.g. many trans are born as heterosexual males or females and this preference does not change over their lives. Sexual orientation (as for all and anyone) is a very private matter altogether, which one might or might not want to disclose and discuss with others. Transsexual: It is an outdated term, mainly used for transgender individuals who choose the option to hormonally and surgically alter their bodies and to transition (change) to become a member of the opposite sex. Transsexuals can also be referred to as transitioning / transitioned trans, and as such they constitute a subgroup of transgender people. Understood. So some do the operation, some do not, and you do not change your sexual preference along the way. Those who do not want to change then are the trannys and drag queens, right? Transvestite: Tranny as short of transvestite is also an outdated and carries a very bad connotation, hence it should be avoided. Transvestite means a person who puts on the clothes associated with the other gender. It can be linked with sexual arousal and fetishist desires as well. Many transvestites are not transgender. Drag: is a theatrical genre (act on stage), traditionally most popular in gay clubs, where men (draq queens) or women (drag kings) impersonate the opposite gender with a sophisticated, but exaggerated presentation. It is many times done in the form of a playback singing show (“lip sync”). Most drag queens are not transgender either. Crossdressing: is a very subtle terminology used to describe when someone uses items of the attire of the opposite gender for their self-presentation. Can be full or partial crossdressing, where partial crossdressing in daily life may also be referred to as queer presentation. Ok, but then please tell me what the typical transgender is like? How will I know when I see one? There is no transgender stereotype; it is a very heterogeneous group. Identities and presentations can vary from the very noticeable (even provocative to some) to the very subtle, not even noticeable dimensions. That is sometimes you do not see anything at all: you see a man or a woman, or you might perceive someone being dressed as the opposite gender, or just presenting different, not conventional. So how do I go about transgender people? What would be the right behaviour or approach towards them? Most important is to know and acknowledge that there are people who do not fit in the conventional male and female categories. It is simply the way they are; it is not a sickness, an attitude or a game of the mind. These people do not feel comfortable having to suppress themselves and align with the very strict social expectations of how a man or a woman should look and behave (present). Please respect personal integrity as you would do for anyone else. It is very ok to notice, to react or even to ask a question, but that without being offensive, intrusive or too personal. Sir or Mam? How should you be addressed, do I say he, she, it or they? Pronouns: In many languages and for many trans individuals pronouns and what gender they are addressed as is of utmost importance. Inappropriate referencing (also called mis-gendering) is taken as not being acknowledged in one’s gender identity. If intentional, it is considered to be a sign of rejection and as offensive. It is ok to make a mistake at the first go, you cannot always know, but if corrected, it is very rude not to follow the request of the trans person. Should you be unsure if you’re practice is right, just ask. Use of right pronouns is especially important when the person you are referring to is not present. You should know, you are hurting and upsetting someone badly if you do otherwise and the person finds out. Even if the gender neutral pronouns seem to be unconventional (like “they” or “ze”) or problematic to use at first glance, please put effort into this to show your respect. So can we talk about sex and gender honestly? I have hundreds of questions to ask you: like when and how it all started, how did you find out you were trans, whether you had the operation or you still have your “birth parts” and how does that affect you sex life? Wow, wow, wow. Wait a minute; slow down please with the questions. It is very important to emphasize that gender and sexual orientation need to be kept separate. Sexuality is something very private, and you should not expect someone you hardly know opening up and bluntly discussing with you their genitals or what they do in bed. You are eventually invading privacy here. On the other hand gender and gender identity is something, which most people do actively or passively disclose. Gender identity is expressed in the individual’s visual presentation as well as in the behaviour. In addition, most trans people are open to a certain level to discuss their gender identity with others, even with strangers. What you should understand and keep in mind, is that gender identity is something very intrinsic to the individual and to the personality. Just as for the cisgender, gender does not start, it is not a prompt realization, and people do not become transgender or come up with the sudden wish to change genders. Think about when and how you realized what your own gender was, and what your gender means to you. I guess we are then the cisgender, right? The rest of the world, who are not trans. Cisgender: is the opposite of transgender. It refers to the majority of the human population, who identify solidly with either one of the binary genders (as male or female), and it is in line with what has been assigned to them at birth, based on their genitals, representing their biological sex. This very important terminology is probably borrowed form organic chemistry, where the molecules can have two geometric constellations, which mirror each other and hence cannot be merged into one another by simple rotation. It represents two distinct versions of existence of the same entity. Please use cisgender to refer to non-transgender people to avoid having to talk about “normal people” or “born males” and “genetic females”, which would not be considered appropriate for trans individuals. But it must be hard being transgender and having a family. What about work? Would you like to work as the opposite gender? Obviously, the above questions related to partnership, family and work depend a lot on the matter of outing and transitioning. Coming out: simply means disclosing something which is not obvious and was formerly unknown about an individual. This phrase got well known about sexuality, and when gay people start talking about their sexual orientation to family, friends or in public. The same can apply to gender identity beyond conforming to the binary (male and female). Coming out is a very delicate, intimate and irreversible act, which should be solely initiated by (or done with definite consent of) the transgender individual. Unwanted or unintentional outing can lead to unpleasant situations for both sides, hence should be avoided. There is also a category of preventive outing, meaning that the information is shared with someone to avoid them getting to know about it unintentionally or from someone else (usually less trusted). Outing in the life of a trans person simply never ends, as (unless very early transitioning) there will always be the two distinct groups of people who know and people who do not know. Outing at a glance is when you simply show up in front of people (strangers or people you know) as your authentic self and take any questions should there be any. Transitioning: Transitioning in its physical sense means when transgender individuals undertake to change their bodies to (better) match the appearance of the opposite gender or any non-conforming expectations of the trans individual. Physical transitioning might include hormone therapy, surgery, but also more simple interventions like permanent body hair removal and other minor body modifications. In the social sense transitioning means when a person starts regularly expressing and presenting as the opposite gender or as binary gender non-conforming (queer). It also includes the fact that in a more or less close round of family and friends people know and acknowledge the non-conventional gender identity of the individual and relate to it in the relevant interactions. When and whether someone transitions is a decision which the transgender person needs to make, taking into consideration the individual’s personal situation and external circumstances. Transitioning is also very different, should it happen in the youth (we see more young people taking the chance to transition early than in generations before) as compared to transitioning after having spent decades and having settled in already as the gender role assigned at birth. That includes having established life, partnership, family and professional personality. If you are married, have a child and a career, do you want to give that all up to live as the opposite gender? Well, the question is unfair, as gender identity is not a choice and should not mean an either-or option for the trans individual. All of us have the same rights for finding love, having family and children and to be able to achieve in the professional world. That has nothing to do with non-binary gender identity and should not be hindering anyone to pursue all of these in life. Especially for people who have come out later in their lives, full transitioning many times is not an appealing option, and they organize their lives in a way that their gender roles are alternating and harmonizing. Workplace: Coming out and transitioning at the workplace is a delicate matter and should be carefully prepared and planned for. It is also advisable to seek specific advice or counselling to support the process. The decision in my view should actually be based on the fact whether there are specific conditions required for the trans individual in the working environment or not (e.g. use of bathrooms or changing rooms) taking the specificities (e.g. mandatory protective clothing, uniforms) of the individual profession into consideration. Parenting: Parenting as trans or non-binary can be very challenging and rewarding in the same instance. In general (similar to gay parenting) children need loving and caring people as parents, who are firstly not in terrible disharmony with themselves (including gender), and secondly who can teach them about all the values of the world that are worth standing up for. In this sense integrated transgender personalities greatly qualify for the noble task of parenting, with certainly being able to deliver the value of acceptance and social diversity to their children. I am now terribly confused with the terminology, what is queer and what is agender? Gender identity categories: The vast cisgender majority of the population is binary, meaning they identify fully (dominantly) with either one of the two binary genders (male or female), in line with their biological sex. Non-binary are people who do not fully identify either or. A trans person can also be binary, identifying as the opposite gender, but many trans are not like that, they are somewhere in-between: alternating, are gender fluid or do not define themselves as any kind of gender category (agender, genderless or gender unicorns). Many suggest that gender, contrary to the binary, should be rather considered as a spectrum. Without making this too complicated, we all can admit we have more masculine and feminine traits of our personalities; some like to express that aspect more or are even unhappy with having to confine themselves to their birth assigned gender role and expression possibilities. How is the world going to be? Will all be just an androgynous blend of people without classical males and females? Most probably not. Despite the heavy imprinting and almost mandatory nature of the binary social genders, with all the expectations towards your presentation and behaviours, most of us will still feel they belong to either the male or female subgroups of our society. Maybe there will be more freedom for everyone altogether. There might be more equality across all social groups, and there might be less inconvenience associated with crossing gender lines: like when a guy wants to pursue a profession or an activity traditionally considered not to be masculine, or if a woman is strong in professional life and is pursuing a career associated with responsibility, influence and power. And the sexist jokes will be gone for good, I hope. Seemingly more and more people are coming out as transgender? Is there a true increase in the number of people affected, or is it also a popular trend to be trans? Prevalence: There are no absolute precise numbers available as to what percent of the population is transgender. The most recent and most credible estimate is from last year (June 2016) from the UCLA Williams Institute and it points to roughly 0.6% of the population of the USA (1.4 million individuals) identifying as transgender (or binary gender non-conforming). The 0.6% is an average of 50 US states, varying between 0.3% and 0.8%. (Source: https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/research/how-many-adults-identify-as-transgender-in-the-united-states/) As stated, all above are estimates, but if you look at the range, there could be very roughly 1 transgender person out every 100 people, but should at least be 1 out of every 300. If you look at the trends showing more and more people being open about their non-conventional gender identities, than in any other survey or estimate before, in reality we should be closer to the 100 figure. So, if everyone has at least 100 people in their social networks, that would mean that statistically you know someone who is trans (open or not about it). In addition, I do not think being transgender can be considered a popular habit or a trend. If you think about this, something so fundamental, complicated and in some sense stigmatizing, does not really serve the purpose of a trend or as a good way to seek attention. I think the perceived increase in the number of trans people is simply due to the spreading knowledge about the matter, the media attention and society becoming more open and accepting (towards the expression of non-conventional personalities) in general. I do not mean to be provocative, but what do you say to those who then come up with the idea that they identify as something like an animal or an object? Where does tolerance need to stop? Third gender theories: I would not like to contemplate about any kind of self-identification and its authenticity, and generally tolerance and acceptance are always the right approaches towards creating a harmonic society. What needs to be pointed out on the other hand is that non-binary gender identities (third and fourth genders etc.) have been known and documented to have been co-existing, as normal variations of people across history and across various societies. Most commonly quoted examples are the “two-spirit” Native Americans or the Indian “hijra” population. In addition, the measurably high prevalence of non-binary gender identities as social patterns underlines trans being a vast and definite human social group (unlike the cat, wizard or “jedi” identities). If it is so “normal” to be transgender, than how come there be significantly more depression, drug abuse and suicide rates in this group? Gender dysphoria: is essentially the frustration or distress caused by gender identity issues to the individual. This terminology, introduced in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (2013), American Psychiatric Association), is moving away from the previously used Gender Identity Disorder category, and as such from considering transgender to be a pathological condition (in essence a mental disease). In this new interpretation gender dysphoria is the pathological condition (the root cause), which could have severe impact on the individual’s health (causing the depression, anxiety and contributing to isolation, poverty, substance abuse and increased suicidal risk). And what about children? How can be sure about a child being truly transgender when a boy states he feels like a girl, or when a little girl insists she wants to become a boy? Children do say and do many things out of curiosity; they like to play with different toys, put on all kinds of clothes, make-up, all what they pick up from adults around them. Transgender children: Firstly, gender dysphoria in children needs to be diagnosed by and managed with the help of trained and experienced medical / psychologist staff in specialized centres (where available), and any intervention, especially ones with great future impact (like puberty blocking hormones causing infertility), should be introduced with great care after years of monitoring and counselling. Secondly, children suffering from severe gender dysphoria usually have school and behavioural problems, are suicidal or hurting themselves in various ways, and are consistently delivering the message of having been born in the wrong body. This is something far beyond than a boy posing in her mom’s high heels for fun. OK, what about bathrooms? Which one should trans people use, and what if I feel uncomfortable with sharing a bathroom with someone with different genitals than mine? The bathroom controversy: Bathrooms can be messy places. They are available for use generally wherever we go; they are part of all human architecture. They are constantly reminding us of our biological origin, pose a significant hygienic challenge and are resource intense to maintain. If you think about it, beyond hygiene what a person also needs in a bathroom is privacy. The needs of a transgender person in this sense do not differ from a cisgender person’s needs. In addition, except for the urinals of the men’s rooms, the stalls and the supporting facilities do not differ in the binary gendered bathrooms; hence instead of debating where transgender people are allowed to go, we should be promoting the gender neutral, single use concept with all-gender supporting facilities. Under the binary gender separated bathroom circumstances I would let everyone (including cisgender) decide where they want to go. In practice this would ensure maximum stall utilization based on availability, but would still allow the urinal section (maybe offering less privacy) to be avoided by anyone who should be disturbed by it. This would also solve the problem of opposite gender parents to be able to accompany their small children to the stalls, which is obviously very problematic today. Are you then saying that transgender is not more than some people living amongst us who have preferences which are somewhat unconventional to us, and which might go beyond our expectations of most of the people in the world belonging to and presenting as the traditional groups of males and females? And these people are terribly frustrated, and that we could ease this frustration a lot by just accepting them to be who they are; letting them deal with figuring out their gender identities, and ensuring they have access to all the medical and non-medical support they need to reach their happy state? Yes.